Everybody has this inner voice that undermines and doubts the positive ambitions or goals we set for ourself. While occasional self-criticism is normal, a persistent pattern of negative talk can become harmful and effect our mental health. Negative talk is something that grows stronger and stronger the more we listen to it.
What we don’t realize is that negative talk comes from people who interact in our lives, parents, relatives, friends, neighbors and events in our lives that we perceive as hurtful. Eddie Murhpy, the comedian tells a story of meeting Rodney Dangerfield for the first time when he was just starting out doing stand up. Eddie says that Rodney was put off with some of the offensive words Eddie was using for his stand up and told him, he wouldn’t make it in comedy.
Years past, Eddie is now a huge successful celebrity, he walks in a men’s room in Las Vegas and who is standing next to him in the adjacient urnial but Rodney Dangefield. Rodney looks at Eddie and says “Who knew?” And that describes negative talk perfectly, people saying negative things to us, not realizing that we hold these memories inside our head and they don’t even realize how they effect us.
A father calling his young son, stupid all the time, may not realize that the son will carry this thought in his head, maybe his whole life. Every time the son nears success, this inner voice will attempt to convince him he really is stupid. For me, when i attempted to start the sport of running at the age of 65, my inner voice, told me I was stupid for taking up the sport at such an old age, that I was too old to attempt to go fast and in face I should be slowing down. The inner voice continues, what will people think of you, seeing you attempt to jog along side a bunch of young kids, all of whom can run faster than you.
I really feel sorry for youth in our world, it seems they are far more sensitive to negative talk, and it seems to effect there mental wellbeing more. Depression seems to be more widespread than before but maybe its because we are more atuned to it today. I feel especially for young girls who must deal with a advertising model which says they willl never be pretty enough or good enough without buying this beauty product.
Its only now, at the age of 66 that I recognize negative talk and am able to at least talk back to it. What you know if to what it is, and where it came from, then you can battle back at it. And when your are successful, you silence the inner voice, but he or she is not gone, the war still wages on, it will just pick another battle another day. It’s like a mean friend who knows you too well and will always bring up your short comings with every positive idea you have. The mean friend doesn’t have your best interest at heart but is jealous of your success regardless of how big or small it is.
I sometimes wonder what or who I would be if I had recognized negative talk earlier in my life. I know it has stopped me from being happy or prosperous hundreds of times.
The book, “The Artist’s Way” by Julia Cameron is a great read for anyone to help discover how negative talk works to defeat us before we even start. I really recommend this book for anybody but especially us older people who have allowed this negative talk to rule our lives, make our decision, fuck up our lives and keep us from being truly happy.
